Merry Kissmas!
by madAmeSaysWhAt
Summary: There should really be a lamest title contest on FF. :D Remus is homeless at Christmastime, and Tonks decides to take him in. It's just for the night, right?


**Bffl Emmetluver and I thought of this situation. So, tell her she's amazing too. Also, I stole some phrases from LupinLovesTonks-RamblingRose's story Consummation. It's a great fic, and if you've read it you'll know what part I'm speaking of. If you haven't read it, and are a smuff fan, I urge you, read it when you've done this one. Ciao] **

**RPOV**

Cold, bitter wind bit at my back as I trudged through the streets. Christmas Eve, incidentally the coldest night of the year, and I could not pay my rent. Perfect. I was tossed out of my apartment into the chill darkness, left to fend for myself and whatever little money I had {which was very close to nothing}.

I could go to a home. Of course I could. But, quite frankly, I couldn't bring myself to. I had always not had much money, and I had always toughed it out somehow. Below zero temperatures or not.

My eyes itched, and I coughed loudly into my sleeve. I was probably either becoming sick or already ill; all I wanted was somewhere to sleep. I would be scolded if I used a park bench, and they're not too comfortable anyway…

Inspiration struck as I turned onto a street lined with old fashioned apartment buildings. The small porch lights on each shone onto welcoming enough looking steps. I chose one that looked the driest and settled onto it, using my hat as a shield from the light and my suitcase as a pillow.

My eyes shut and surrendered to dreams.

**NTPOV**

The door shut, and the bell tinkled happily to me as I exited. Some guys I knew whistled playfully at me from the steps of their apartment {having a smoke, oblivious to the winter chill}, and I flipped them off, laughing with them.

"Seeya tomorrow, boys." The tallest, Shane, waved and grinned like the handsome devil he knew he was.

"Don't keep us waiting, beautiful." I rolled my eyes and walked away, shaking my head. They were good guys, but guys nonetheless. I hadn't made the mistake of having a selfish shag with one of them {our relationship was just-friends, at the moment}, but I probably will soon if they keep on acting so damn cute.

I walked only a little further, before concentrating and rotating on the spot. I swore loudly when I realized that I had apparated about a mile away from my apartment. Rather than trying again {this was a Muggle suburb, after all}, I chose to walk. Plus, the cabbies that drove through my part of town frightened me a bit.

I hummed under my breath to distract myself from the cold, and the weight of the shopping bags in each of my hands. Why, oh why, did the damn bags have to have the fucking string handles? They hurt your fingers to hold them, especially with below zero windchill.

When I finally reached my apartment, I was so relieved. Now I could go inside, turn on some crappy Christmas special, wrap last-minute presents, and just relax.

Though, on my way up the stairs, I felt my foot catch on something cold and hard, and my entire self was flung to the icy cement. My bags went flying, sending everything I had purchased onto the street. I belted out some choice swears, coloring the night air with the curses on my misty breath. I tried to stand once more, but I fell once more, this time down the steps and onto the pavement. I landed on my bottom, legs splayed out like a little girl pushed off the playground swings. I gripped the railing as I stood, and finally realized what had made me fall in the first place.

It seemed to be a pile of rags, until it moved. I stiffened; there was a homeless rate that was somewhat high in my neighborhood, though I'd have never had any choose my stoop as a bed before. I didn't mind, not particularly, I was just a bit taken aback.

I leaned over tentatively to place my hand on his/her shoulder, shaking gently.

"Um, excuse me? I hate to bother you, but could you move your feet over just a bit? I'm not the best on stairs in the dark in the first place, but with ice and legs in the way, I'm a hopeless case, really, and um…" The figure pulled back the hood, and I gasped. For I knew this person.

It was Remus Lupin.

"Rem! What are you doing here?" It was a silly question, really. He smiled vaguely at me.

"What does it look like I'm doing, Tonks? I was asleep, until you woke me." My heart juddered a bit; his smile was so damn cute…

"Yeah, but… on my steps? Haven't you got your own place? That nice little flat up in Bath…" He shook his head.

"Rent money ran out last month. They tossed me a few days ago, and I didn't want to spend Christmas in a dirty Muggle slum, so… here seemed the best place to go." He paused, probably trying to read my expression. "I'm really sorry if you're upset, I didn't know it was your place, I can move if you want…" I closed my mouth {it had fallen open, apparently}, and shook my head vigorously.

"Are you on pills, Remus? It's like, fuckin' negative 6 degrees out here. I can't sleep knowing you're freezing your little tail off out here while I'm all warm and fuzzy next to my fireplace. Now, come in before you get sick." I brandished my keys at him, and he frowned.

"Tonks, are you sure? It's Christmas, I wouldn't want to impose…" I unlocked my door with much enthusiasm and swung it open, pointing imperiously for him to cart his arse on in before I made it. He sighed and heaved himself to his feet. I grinned and locked the door behind us.

Just as I slid my coat off, he let loose a tremendous hacking cough, bent over, shaking my dangly door beads. I rushed over, concerned about his condition, taking his coat and patting his back. He stood straight again, coughing a small thanks. I tossed it into the direction of the rack and, before he could slip away, I smacked my hand to his forehead. I flinched away; his fever could practically make toast.

"Remus John Lupin!" I put my other hand to his cheek, holding him in place while he tried to wiggle away. "You have a cough that would raise the dead and a fever that I could cook on!!! What is wrong with you??? You were out in the cold, in this condition???" I took a deep breath; he stared a bit blankly down at me, saying nothing. "I am going to tell you what to do, and you are going to do it. Firstly, you will go into my room and dig in my closet for awhile. There is a pair of men's pyjama bottoms one of my boyfriends left here a few years ago that should fit you. Then you can pick any old ratty shirt from the bin in the corner. I will go in the linen closet and get fluffy blankets and pull out the couch in the den. I will set it up like a bed. Then you will lie down in the bed and drink tea that I make you and take medicine I procure from the bathroom. If you disobey any of this, I will torture you until you do. Got it? Move!" He made a feeble attempt to protest, but I shoved his sorry arse into the direction of my bedroom.

I dashed to the linen closet, surveying the chaos inside. I yanked on a green fluffy thing that looked promising until the entire contents toppled on top of me. I gathered the lot into my arms and began making a nest on the pullout couch in the den. I was arranging pillows when he came back into the room, wearing red plaid on the bottom and a LadyMonk concert t-shirt on top.

He grinned at my sad attempt at bedmaking, then directed it towards my face. Wordlessly, he held up an old black Styx tee; the breasts were cut out. I blushed deeply and immediately.

"'Any old ratty t-shirt', eh? I rather liked this one, until I discovered its… qualities…" He tossed it back through the door, still grinning like a madman. "Is there a story behind that, Dora?"

There was a story to that. He really oughtn't to know, but I know he would tease me to oblivion if I didn't tell him…

"I got drunk one night and a friend of mine cut them out in the bathroom of a club. I took off my bra and we both thought it was hilarious. We were so pissed I forgot to put my sweatshirt back on. That's how I hooked up with my boyfriend Dillan." I tried to put it delicately, but he guffawed anyway.

"Dora, you're a trip and a half, you know that?" I rolled my eyes.

"I'd bet you'd love to see my try it on, now wouldn't you?" His face turned somber, and I chucked a pillow at his puppy face.

"C'mon, time for beddie bye. It's almost eleven thirty and I bet you're tired." He stifled a yawn as I said this, and I shoved him onto his futon. He snuggled under the blankets, resting his head back onto the mismatched pillows. I dashed into the kitchen and flicked on the kettle, rummaging for a teabag. After dumping it into a mug, I rushed back to him carrying my shopping bags. He grinned as I flopped down and yanked some wrapping paper out from behind the TV.

"A little late for present wrapping, don't you think?" I snorted, hopping onto his bed and spreading out my purchases.

"These are for my parents and cousins and stuff; you know, people I won't see until later on this week. And they'll look nice under the tree." I gestured to my sad little white plastic tree in the corner, strung with some sparkly yarn and hair lights I found under my bed. The underneath had a few little boxes I got in the mail from friends and relatives and such, but otherwise it looked like a sad little child in poverty trying to have a proper Christmas.

"Ah, I see. Would you like me to help?" I nodded, thrusting a chocolate nutcracker at him.

"Wrap this and address it to Camela." He saluted and sat so he was cross legged, wrapping away.

Thinking quickly, for I didn't want things to get awkward, I snatched the remote up and clicked on the television. After channel surfing, I found an appropriate Christmas special with a little singing reindeer. Remus tried to hide his grin, but I pretended not to notice.

"You used to love this show when you were little." I stared at him in awe. "You were three, and I was nine. Your mom made me watch you while she had tea with your aunt and a few others. You knew all the words to every song, and it was quite adorable when you sang along." I giggled.

"Rem, how on earth do you remember that?" He laughed.

"It was one of the cutest things I've ever seen. It just seems to pop in my head whenever I think about you." He blushed, ducking his head and suddenly becoming very immersed in placing the tape exactly on the line of wrapping paper. I went back to my own wrapping job, stuffing tissue paper into a purple bag for my great aunt Loretta.

As I was reaching for the tape to finish my package, he lunged for it at the same time. Our hands entwined on it, and when we looked up to laugh in slight embarrassment, our faces were inches apart.

I stayed very still, for he wasn't moving either. He cleared his throat awkwardly, smiling slightly. I returned his gaze, until I noticed that we were slowly moving closer and closer to each other… our lips were almost touching…

A sharp whistling invaded my ears, and he jerked back. I blinked a few times, then rolled off the futon.

"Kettle's done, lemme go grab that for you…" I dashed into the kitchen, switching off the tea and pouring it into the cup. Waiting for it to steep, I leaned against the counter, supporting myself with my hands.

Um, what had just happened? Had me and Rem almost… kissed???

It wasn't like I hadn't considered it before, me and him. But he had always given no response to my persistent flirting, so I'd almost given up on him. But he hadn't pulled away just now. It almost seemed like he _wanted_ to kiss me, like he would have loved to, even…

Maybe I was just thinking wrongly. Maybe he was just trapped like a deer in the headlights, not wanting to be rude and pull away in disgust too quickly. Not wanting to hurt my feelings. Yes, that must be it.

Heart sinking, I scooped the bag out of his tea with a spoon and tossed it into the sink. I moved very carefully back into the main room, setting the mug on the little table next to the couch. He murmured a thanks and took a sip.

"Good?" He nodded.

"Warms me right up." I blushed heavily and immediately, my brain concocting many varying situations in which he could be saying that. _Get out] You are not welcome on my thoughts] _My conscience disappeared when he gave a tiny grin, leaving me to my perverted thoughts.

"Did you know they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?" I blurted before I had the chance to censor my mind. He raised an eyebrow, eyes smiling amusedly.

"Really now? I've never heard of such a thing." I nodded exuberantly, grinning.

"Yup. They make 'em nontoxic, of course, but they glow. On the box it says 'so she won't miss'." I giggled, wondering why on earth this thought had come to my head. I had used them before, so I knew what I was talking about, but why I had chosen to bring it up with Remus Lupin at quarter to midnight on Christmas Eve I had no idea. He chuckled in a manly fashion.

"You're a unique one, Dora." Huh. What did that mean?

"And what does that mean, Remmy?" His cheeky grin faded slowly.

"You're special. Different. Unlike any other." I smiled, unconsciously leaning forwards.

"That's so?" He nodded.

"I've never met a girl like you, ever before. You're just amazing, how confident and funny and powerhouse you are. You're not a girl; you're a force of nature. And you're beautiful." He gave a weak smile, patting my cheek gently. The third time it met my skin, he paused, stroking my cheekbone with a thumb. As he was moving to pull away, I closed my hand around his wrist.

"No…" I inched forward, placing the hand on my shoulder. He swallowed a bit awkwardly, before leaning in and pressing his hot lips to my own.

I think he only planned to hesitate for a second, for his mouth was closed and his hand was a bit stiff, but my brain left my body and hovered near the ceiling next to my heart. Not thinking of etiquette I kneeled and lurched forward, tightly wrapping my arms around his neck. He gripped my waist and fell back onto the pillows, holding me close against him. I gently pried his mouth open, and our kiss deepened. My stomach swooped up and down, and I only clutched him closer when he broke away for air. I ducked my head and nipped his flushed neck gently a few times. He growled at me and I bit off the top button of his shirt with ultimate skill. Just as I was about to nibble off the second, he shrunk away, gently prying my arms from him.

"Dora, wait. Stop, for a second." I harrumphed in frustration, trying to ignore the burning wet between my legs. He smiled a bit. "Dora, this is… really good. I've kind of loved you for some time now. But this…" he fingered the chewed off buttons on his shirt, "this is kind of acting a bit too fast."

"Frankly, darling, I don't give a damn," I said, quoting a movie my mum liked. "I'm ready always, you know that." I gestured to the Styx shirt on the floor with a seductive wink. He sighed.

"You're missing the point. You know, I hope, that I like you, a lot, but I believe that there are two kinds of people in the world. Those who treat sex like it's nothing special, and have it with anyone willing." I cut him off.

"I happen to be one of those people, Rem, so no worries about making me feel uncomfortable." He raised a finger.

"Let me finish. The other type of person is one who feels sex is something special and to be treasured, not throwing themselves at anyone for a few hours of pleasure. And I happen to be one of those people." He smiled a bit embarrassedly. "I've made love with two different women in my life, both of whom I loved dearly. Unfortunately, after they learned what I was, they refused to have any more contact with me. I was devastated, but I made a choice. To prevent any breaks in my heart, I would only do the deed with a woman who loved me for sure. It's nothing against you, Dora; just give me more time." He grinned weakly.

I stared blankly. His words… well, they made a damn lot of sense, that's what they did. I had never met a guy who turned down sex; I thought that men who didn't leap into a girl's pants at the first mention of nookie didn't exist. And if that thought had ever occurred to me, I probably would think I'd be frustrated when he turned me down. But actually, I didn't feel frustrated. I felt… inspired.

"Wow, Rem. You're so deep." He smiled.

"Some other day, Dora. Some other day."

I nodded, feelings overpowering me and leaving me wordless. In unison, we turned our heads and continued watching the pointless programming. At exactly midnight, the massive church bell tolled from down the street as more festive counterparts jingled merrily along. Blushing shyly, he leaned in and kissed me very sweetly for a few moments.

"Happy Christmas, Rem." He hugged me, and eventually, we both fell asleep on the futon.

**Awww… it's cute. Admit it, you think so too. :D If you do, and aren't sitting at your comp thinking 'what an egotistical jerk, that iggy's girlfriend is,' let me know in a review. **


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